Stop procrastination

I SHOULD SERIOUSLY STOP WAITING FOR TOMORROW TO GET THINGS DONE.

I AM LIVING WITH A MESS AROUND US. literally.

GET OUT AND HAVE SOME FUN IN THE SUN DESMOND.

WAIT NO MORE!!!!

why am i doing it still?

Why

start something you know will not last?
stick to it if you know it will do no good?
go through the motion and know that it may not end up the way you want?
go one fucking round to come back to the start again?
be the way you are now and think back and wish you were someone else?
be that someone else when your life is yours to live?
ask yourself question after question when there's really no answers available?
shouldn't I just go through it and move on?

Haha... live for the moment cos' there's really no idea what's going to happen tomorrow.

:)

9 crimes

fucked up

Haha... irony irony.

Just when I thought things are getting better.

I missed my flight. Yes. I missed it. Don't even ask me why or how it happened. Don't wish to think about it or push the blame to anyone or anything.

I am just feeling that something bigger than me, something beyond my comprehension is telling me that it is all fated.

Right now, I just feel like sleeping. Call me an idiot. I want to run away by hiding under my bedsheets. I want to be like a young boy again and cry. Just for one night, just for one time. Let me cry. (Update: No. I did not cry... not that weak yet)

Don't even feel like asking "Why?"...

Maybe because I don't want to hear the answers, whether they are nice or otherwise.

Perhaps I can take the time to do my essay. SC3101. yes... Maybe I can take the time to clean up the house and my room before my mum comes back from M'sia... Maybe I can take this time to prepare myself for the exams...

I'm irritated. My face is flushed. I felt sick and my heart was heavy. I felt like vomiting. My day is destroyed. I feel empty. And I see a lot of questions heading my direction from various people. I just don't have any answers and even if I do, I don't feel like sharing it with you, can?

Give me my space.

Merci

i'm really not that crazy

I'm not that crazy when...

1. I wake up at 6.45am to see the sky turn bright
2. I went to Mustafa to change $ to rupiah and the entire Little India was quiet and almost empty
3. I headed to Ya Kun after that for breakfast - 2 eggs, cup of tea, 2 slices of Kaya toast AND papers.
4. I come back home and climbed the stairs up 14 storeys.

I swear to stick by a healthier diet and exercise regime in order to get a 6 pack before I hit 30.

Haha... once again, reassure that I am not crazy :)

To all you reading this, have a fantastic weekend while I am gone.

I'm slowly doing it

Things are looking slightly better

Well, the very least that I can feel now is that things are sssllloooowwlly getting back to normal. Not as quickly and decisively as I wanted it to be. but nonetheless, better than nothing.

Well, I completed my Race and Ethnic Relations Essays through a mad rush of.. 2days. Waking up at 0830hrs to finish up an essay, rushing to school computer lab to do final adjustments and printing it out.. heading to tutorial to hand it up. All happened quite quickly, but I hope I won't do too badly even though it's quite a last minute work. Life's just ain't too good for me these weeks.

Work, school work, life, things tend to get a little overwhelming.

Next, submit Social Psych essay (sorry girls, I know I din really help much with it.. N am glad that you two understood.)

SC3101 essay on monday, but since I'm heading to Bali on Thursday evening to Sunday night, I gotta finish it by Wednesday so I can leave in peace. Wish me luck... I know, like WHY AM I GOING OVERSEAS when the term hasn't even ended right?

I know i know... I just need a break from Singapore. Really.

hmm, when I'm back, I gotta start revision for my examinations date 23rd, 25th, 27th April... then comes a long holiday till September where I will probably fly to Paris.

Hmmm... deep breath... huge relief

Fall to Pieces Lyrics

Fall To Pieces - Avril Lavigne

I looked away
then I look back at you,
You try to say
the things that you can't undo,
If I had my way
I'd never get over you,
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through.

Make it through the fall,
Make it through it all.

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you.

You're the only one
I'd be with till the end.
When I come undone
you bring me back again.
Back under the stars,
Back into your arms.

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you.

Wanna know who you are,
Wanna know where to start,
I wanna know what this means.

Wanna know how you feel,
Wanna know what is real.
I wanna know everything... Everything.

I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
I don't wanna talk about it.

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
and I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you,
'Cause I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you,
I'm in love with you.

[This is impossible, but I still want to say...]

My short story

Écrivez une page d'un roman de science-fiction qui parle d'une personne qui vous ressemble beaucoup : vous en l'année 2040 ! Décrivez une journée de cette personne, en évoquant son travail (si elle en a un !), sa famille (si elle en a une !), ses diverses acitvités, ses sentiments, ses pensées. 250 à 300 mots

NB : Il s'agit d'un roman, donc d'un récit dans lequel vous pouvez utiliser les temps du passé : passé composé/imparfait et parfois le plus-que-parfait., ou passé simple/imparfait, et parfois le plus-que-parfait ou le passé antérieur.

C'est l'histoire de quelqu'un qui a vécu en 2040. C’est un homme qui s’appelait XD0598H

La lune s'était levée et c'est le début d'une nouvelle nuit, XD0598H s'est assis par la fenêtre de sa pièce. Comme il a observé les voitures ont volé au delà en mi air, et les robots ont fourni la livraison de nourriture dehors, il a pensé de ce qui s'est produit pendant la semaine passée.

Il s’était occupé par son travail et il ne pourrait pas penser à toute autre chose. Ses amis ne l’ont pas contacté parce que le morceau de téléphone dans son corps a cessé le fonctionnement. Il ne pourrait pas être sûr ce qu’il peut faire. Rendez visite au médecin ou au technicien ?

Avant ceci, il est allé à l'école mais s'est senti comme il était quelque part d'autre. Oui, il est un étudiant d’arts. Mais en l’année 2040, ce n’était pas la même chose. Il apprenait l’art de la vie mais jusqu'ici, il lutte toujours avec lui. Il a pensé aux choses qu'il a fait dans le passé mais il ne les a toujours pas compris. Mais maintenant, il reste par la fenêtre.

Il avait l'habitude d'aller aux plages mais maintenant, la mer a été remplacée par des rues. Il n’a pas changé, mais les situations ont eu. Il est devenu une personne fatiguée de ce qu'il voit autour de lui et cherche pour quelque chose de nouveau. Il a pensé qu’il pourrait être meilleur s’il pourrait aller outre-mer mais encore, où peut-il aller ?

Sa famille n'a pas su ce qui est arrivé à lui, mais quand elles savent, peut-être il n'aidera pas du tout.

Il a dû trouver les solutions pour lui-même, tout seul.

Il s’appelait XD0598H.

Write a page of a science fiction story which speaks of a person who resembles you alot but in the year 2040. Write about his day, his experiences, his work (if any), his family (if any), his activities, his feelings, his thoughts. 250 to 300 words.

Use past tense etc etc etc... (technical stuff of languages)

This is a story of someone who lived in 2040. His name was XD0598H.

The moon rose and it was the beginning of a new night, XD0598H sat by the window in his room. As he observed the cars flying in mid-air and the robots making food deliveries outside, he thought of what happened in the past week.

He was so busy with his work that he did not think of other things. His friends did not contact him because the telephone chip in his body had failed to work. He could not be sure of what to do. To go to the doctor, or the technician?

Before this, he went to school, but always felt that he was somewhere else. Yes, he was an arts student. But in the year of 2040, it is not the same thing. He learnt the art of living, but still struggles with it. Now, he just stays by the window.

He used to go to the beaches but now, they have been replaced by streets. He did not change, but the situations had. He became a person so tired of the things around him that he searches for something new. He thought it could be better if he could go overseas. But where could he go?

His family who lived 300 light years away did not know what happened to him, but when they know, maybe they cannot help him at all.

He had to find the solution for himself, by himself.

His name was XD0598H.

If I could

If I could I would...

If I could tell you just what I feel, I would
If I could tell you just what you are really going through, I would
If I could tell you just what we could be, I would
If I could tell you just why all these are not meant to be, I would
If I could tell you just why it is not possible, I would
If I could tell you just how happy I was, I would
If I could tell you just how much happier I will be, I would
If I could tell you just how much I am going through, I would
If I could tell you just how much misery I am feeling, I would

The thing is, I couldn't, I cannot and I never will be able to say them.

No more false hopes. It just ain't going to happen.

We just have to accept that.

People I want to thank

People I want to thank..

1. June - for being so sweet and popping by to my lecture at LT15 when your lesson was at AS7 to pass me breakfast just to make me feel happy. I really am, and your sweet gesture is deeply appreciated. Though we ain't best of pals (I know you have tonnes of other friends), but we are very good good friends and I believe I have your friendship in the years to come.
2. LiChen - for being so understanding and that I am really sorry to have not contributed so much for our essays. Thanks for the company during lectures and for listening to me online about my problems.
   
3. Sheena - for taking the time to listen to me and for understanding what I am going through. For making the effort to come down and let me know that you really are willing to help. I am sorry to have wasted your time when the appointment was last minute cancelled. I will make it up to you soon once I get my life back.
   
4. Maggie - for your company in school, for our dinner at Munchie Monkey, for our studying time at the library though you weren't there for long. Haha... but I still appreciate it Chou Mei
5. Cecilia - for working with me to help ourselves get back on our feet. I will be here for you as well. All you need to do is say.
   
6. Shuilian - for being there even though you are miles away, for your concern. Huggss
7. YongXiang - Funny how you are the only guy here in this list, but thanks for listening and understanding, and your quick one-liner advices.
8. To the rest of you who knows me well enough that I have my reasons of doing what I did and that you all still stick by me and show that you care. Thanks for being there, thanks for being my friend.
   

when is enough enough?

Reason why for this blog to be the way it is.

1. I am sick of having a black based blog
2. I want some change in life
3. I want to have something simple, something plain to go on in my life, that is how I am as a person
4. Archive, makes it easier to look back
5. Too many things in my old blog that just complicates matters
6. I promise from now on, things will be simple and if you don't find that it interests you, feel free to ignore this site
   
7. I considered using livejournal, but blocking off people or only allowing certain ones to read selected entries just isn't my style

I just want to start again.

Well, perhaps I'm just lazy to search for another template.

first post

This is the first post in this new blog, and I am writing with such mixed emotions.

I am not ready to start again
I am not ready to put everything behind me
I am not ready to take on so much responsibility
I am not ready to give up everything just for four letter word
Changing a handphone number is not as simple as that
Deleting a blog that has been with me for so long took a lot of courage
Putting away the past does not mean that I am forgetting it
Answering phone calls from a party whom I do not enjoy talking to is not my style
Somethings were not meant to be
So what if the feeling was right? So what if the feeling was mutual?
Certain things just cannot happen because of the way our lives were made out to be.
I have my dreams and I certainly do not hope they remain as that
I want them to come true soon
Please feel what I am feeling and please...
please help me achieve them
even if you don't know the reason behind so
even if that means I have to leave, I will do it against my will
I know how you feel, I know what you have been through, I know what you have sacrificed.

This is totally not what I intended to blog about in my first entry because I plan to start my life fresh again. By doing this, I guess I am learning how to let go as well.

I am just going to say that some where in the days to come, everything will be clear
and everything will be fine.
I really hope this day will come soon

I hope, and I hope. Each moment in my life now that everything will explain for itself.