有始有终

有好的开始必然需要有好的结束。

也许是时间寻找另一个寄托了。

当我坐在这里做着一些无聊又不关我的事时，边做边想着几时可以上床睡觉。

那躺在床上深呼吸，可以凝听着周围的声音，慢慢地入睡，准备迎接下一天的疲惫 。虽然工作并不累，一整天坐在电脑前是会有点疲倦的。

种种的理由让我决定离开这网页，在这宽阔无边的世界寻找更适合我的一片天。

离开适应后的环境必然是见难办和不自在的是事，但活着就是要改变，因为世界是不会为了一个我而放慢脚步来等我。

或许我会回到这里，或许不会，让我们有缘再见吧。

升

我现在就好像是吊在半空中，失灵的缆车。

虽然路途中的风景优美，坐在车厢内也算是蛮舒服的，我却情不自禁的望着外头的景色和事物，脑海里漂浮着无限的生机。 不坐在这里是的时候能在外头做些其他的什么呢？不被四面墙包围的时候，在矿阔的空间上又能做些其他的什么呢？ 没有坚定的信念或生活中的理想和梦想确实是过的很辛苦，很痛苦的。

看着身旁的人似乎很努力地往着他们的人生目标前进着时，我却只呆在这原点默默地期待自己生命中的使唤快点浮现。可能现在就是我开始付出时间和精力换取金钱和生命掌控权的时候。没有好的开始又怎么能铺好前头忐忑不安的路？没有先吃苦又怎么能享受之后的甜头呢？我想像中的理想工作其实也不能算是工作。一份工带来的是闪亮亮的金钱，美好的前途，和一堆的权利与权力。我要的确实心灵上的满足，相信着生命是可以简简单单的过着，平凡中制造出一幕幕多姿多彩的生活片段。

读了 ”稀游记“ 那27位勇敢，放弃这里一切的新加坡人飘洋过海道21个不同的国度寻找属于自己的天空，我呆在电脑前问自己是否会有一样的力量去实现自己的梦想。当别人问我梦想是什么时，我却无法回答。我的人就是这样，我不知自己要的时什么，但只知道不要的是哪些。我想⋯⋯这也是寻找自己梦想的一个方法吧？如果活到七老八十的时候还找不到，回头看的时候又后悔年轻时没有尽力的去实现当时拥有的梦想和理想，那不是很没用与极端的可悲吗？人生不像是电影中的情节，不是一两个小时就看完，不是别人编写出来的戏，而是自己用双手创造出的。当电影结束走出戏院的时后便回到现实，恢复自己男女主角的任务。

我到现在已经是无话可说了。觉得最近说话的声音越来越大声，越来越急噪。

想着⋯⋯也该是时候放慢脚步来体验自己的生活了吧。

Love this song as I feel it dearly..

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼 眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己横行
忘了我也值得被关心

一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了，快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意
一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重

漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球

还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

Numbers

This is the two hundred and eightieth post.

Was looking through the previous posts trying to find a decent photo to replace my current display picture over at Facebook... but saw other stuff that stirred some emotions and resurfaced some memories.

Bittersweet moments I would say.

The number of posts decreased significantly compared to those in 2007 and 2008 (amounting to thousand plus per year) but only 280 from the beginning of the year of 2009 till now. Like many other stuff in life, when there are new stuff in life, the old ones get neglected, no?

Spider webs and cobwebs... here's a spring cleaning session over at blogger..

升

Happy Birthday Singapore!!

It's the birthday of this tiny island home again! An annual affair with millions of others celebrating this joyous occasion. And of course, every year this time, I never fail to have this surge of patriotic sensation that is so overwhelming the moment they start singing those NDP songs.

Whether the snippets of "i love Singapore" message or the songs that scream out loud cheesy lyrics... it all adds up and this year, I find that the parade is very different. In fact, very heart warming.

Yet a particular point in the show, I felt a little depressed. The part where the kids come together and complete the sentence of "when I grow up..." (no, not the PCD version of that)

Got me thinking a little about what I really wanted to do "when I grow up..."

And then, thinking about it. What do I really want to be when I grow up? I kind of forgotten what I wanted to be when I've grown up.. and at the same time, I have forgotten that fact that l am still growing up, and this is going to be a recurring question. Hopefully by the time I am old and going, I wouldn't still be asking myself this question of what I want to be "when I grow up".

what we lose, we may not find....

Perhaps it's the time now that makes me emo. or maybe I had too much laughter in the day that now it's time for the laughter to be claimed back to the rightful owner. It's been some time since and I thought I have gotten over things that once bogged me down.

Certain people do not change, for better or worse... they simply remain who they are. That by right should be a good thing, only until the fact that it's for the worse and you know that for the time being and the years to come, there probably isn't going to be a change and that no matter what you say or do, life's going to be the same. With or without the person around. I have never seen someone like this in my life before, and this broadens my visions to the different kinds of people in the world. I've always believed in diversity, and everyone has his/her history that leads to who they are today. The time is/was wrong and I am never there at the right time. I am not really the right person even. Like mentioned somewhere in the virtual world people, I know the right people in life, but AM I the right person for others? It barely seems so... this may sound like a brutal attack on my self-esteem, but really it's hopefully a stage of life that I get past. Many years down, it still probably is going to sting me like it did and it does, well at least it probably is going to be a lesson in life.

Every now and then, I have this impression that I have a second chance in life, but grown to realise and not quite ready to accept the fact that there ARE no second chances. When people say they care for you, it's for that moment and remains there and then. Not a second later, not a minute past. Any words or sentiments felt are temporal and probably change the very next moment. Same for myself, when I say anything to anyone, it does not necessarily apply the next moment. That's how exciting life is, isn't it? the unpredictabilities...time to really grow up and to learn. No one else can do that for me except myself. To learn to accept what's lost and gone. Embrace the present and what's to come...

I have suddenly lost my vision and have placed doubt in many things in my path. Not too sure where it goes and what it leads to. Who's going to be there and who's there now. What may happen and what do I want to see happen. It's timely for this long weekend so I can take a break and sort out my thoughts. Do what I do best and sort out my issues and problems. That's how a guy does it anyway right? To remain by himself and straighten out all the diversions that he encounters in everyday life. It can really bug you and hold you back... not everything's prim and proper, black and white in life. I feel like I've been blabbering and beating round the bush it's getting tiring.

I am going to bed now. Gd night and happy birthday Singapore. You are truly where I belong... as I probably never get a second chance of living my life once more, I learn to appreciate the little miraculous moments I spent with those around me here. Not a fan of reminiscence and nostalgia, I will attempt to block out those emo-ments.

人总是会情不自禁的想起来

有事没事的时候，在床上休息时，在厕所上大号时，或者走路回家，看电视，吃饭⋯⋯都会想。几时放几时收，几时开口几时闭口。 几时坐几时站，做人就是那么烦，做什么时都必须想。能想并非是件坏事，也不见得是好事⋯⋯在我身边便有几位因想太多而便得有点不可思议，所讲的话和做的事都惹人讨厌。令人刮目相看。之前认识的人跑到哪了？被自己想像中的恶魔吞食了吗？还是在自己的脑海里迷失了方向而做出不可理喻的行为？我也不大清楚，好久好久以前我已决定不让这些烦人的七情六欲和无聊的感触阻碍我活个精彩的生活。到了这一刻，人生也还不能算是精彩吧，但还不赖。

对于熟人事一套，对于陌生的，又是另一套。自己又如何来应付陌生人的咿咿呀呀呢？当成耳边风吗？还是把些不顺耳的话听进去，把它转为推动力来激发自己之前还没发现的力量呢？我最近面对了一个难题。有点不知所措，有点沮丧，也有点对失去了自信。想啊想，也不知要等到几是，等到多少个春天后的努力奋斗才会感觉到成功，胜利。时机到了，之前所定下的目标达到了，又对谁有好处呢？自己看到，感受到的，别人会刮目相看吗？还是带回之前的有色眼镜？人生中的也许也许让我们想到脑儿都暴了还是会永远想不通下一步会发生什么事。什么人会说什么事。别人会把塌下来的天空当被盖，我呢，有可能会痴痴地站在那被压死。 死了后还不知死因是什么 哈哈！

如果还剩一口气的话，应该就会省下来告诉身边的人一声 “谢谢⋯⋯再见“

在这当儿，就鼓起勇气勇敢地走下去吧。身旁有没有个人陪伴着，眼前有没有双手带领着也不重要。自己走得高兴就行了！

We're never satisfied

The never ending search for that one thing.

Until then, everyone will just be grumpy and grouchy over the status quo.

Good night and good bye weekend. Cya next week.