what we lose, we may not find....

Perhaps it's the time now that makes me emo. or maybe I had too much laughter in the day that now it's time for the laughter to be claimed back to the rightful owner. It's been some time since and I thought I have gotten over things that once bogged me down.

Certain people do not change, for better or worse... they simply remain who they are. That by right should be a good thing, only until the fact that it's for the worse and you know that for the time being and the years to come, there probably isn't going to be a change and that no matter what you say or do, life's going to be the same. With or without the person around. I have never seen someone like this in my life before, and this broadens my visions to the different kinds of people in the world. I've always believed in diversity, and everyone has his/her history that leads to who they are today. The time is/was wrong and I am never there at the right time. I am not really the right person even. Like mentioned somewhere in the virtual world people, I know the right people in life, but AM I the right person for others? It barely seems so... this may sound like a brutal attack on my self-esteem, but really it's hopefully a stage of life that I get past. Many years down, it still probably is going to sting me like it did and it does, well at least it probably is going to be a lesson in life.

Every now and then, I have this impression that I have a second chance in life, but grown to realise and not quite ready to accept the fact that there ARE no second chances. When people say they care for you, it's for that moment and remains there and then. Not a second later, not a minute past. Any words or sentiments felt are temporal and probably change the very next moment. Same for myself, when I say anything to anyone, it does not necessarily apply the next moment. That's how exciting life is, isn't it? the unpredictabilities...time to really grow up and to learn. No one else can do that for me except myself. To learn to accept what's lost and gone. Embrace the present and what's to come...

I have suddenly lost my vision and have placed doubt in many things in my path. Not too sure where it goes and what it leads to. Who's going to be there and who's there now. What may happen and what do I want to see happen. It's timely for this long weekend so I can take a break and sort out my thoughts. Do what I do best and sort out my issues and problems. That's how a guy does it anyway right? To remain by himself and straighten out all the diversions that he encounters in everyday life. It can really bug you and hold you back... not everything's prim and proper, black and white in life. I feel like I've been blabbering and beating round the bush it's getting tiring.

I am going to bed now. Gd night and happy birthday Singapore. You are truly where I belong... as I probably never get a second chance of living my life once more, I learn to appreciate the little miraculous moments I spent with those around me here. Not a fan of reminiscence and nostalgia, I will attempt to block out those emo-ments.