Somehow us human beings can appreciate the presence of emotions, whether they are positive, or negative (a matter of subjective perspectives certainly). The entire process of brewing, stirring it in almost predictable rhythm and beats, is as excitable as the end product itself.
It was just a very ordinary plain Jane Monday this morning when I woke up but as the day went by, seconds ticking and gone, I started to feel this anticipation building within that threatens to spew out like spirits out of those possessed characters in Hollywood demonic films.. had to bite my lips and clench my jaws for the sake of not attracting penetrating stares in public transport.
So, what am I so excited (or going to be excited) about?
1) it's my first off day for my first official full time job
2) it's my graduation tomorrow and I am the king in my own empire
3) it's the day where I can be in the company of my friends again
4) it's the official mark of the end and the beginning of another life
Any of the 4 above applies, and at the same time, it's possibly the cumulation of all 4 factors that create this restlessness within.
I actually came home, put down my bag at the usual place in my room and headed straight to the walk-in wardrobe to try on my gown with the executive wear, all for the "whole image" that will be revealed on stage tomorrow. All for the big day tomorrow. Some fleeting thoughts came through and by - "OH this button is revealing amidst the sea of blue", "Oh no the strings on the mortar board are not of the same length!", "oooh the gown practically hides all physical flaws and for that one day everyone can no longer feel pressured to walk/ sit with their bulging stomaches sucked and held in.", "this peachy colour goes well with the white shirt and the skin tone, but what color tie should I wear to go along with it?"... the list goes on and I shan't bore you all with it AS it's my business and now of you are there to see/feel it. No I'm not bitter about it as it is obviously clear that not everyone is still as free as a student these days. Not applicable at least to those who are my age group now. It's the sad but salt-sprinkled-on-wound painful truth.
Well, that aside, I am still looking forward to sitting among those who feel the same as me... probably sitting through the ceremony looking at individuals with oversized gowns and mortarboards, who potentially may trip over their laces or shake the wrong hand of the GOH, or taking the wrong step first on the stage and end up walking awkwardly across the stage (It's a good thing where it's not military style and one ends up marching with the same-arm-same-leg syndrome). At the end of that, photo taking (where most people can't wait for) with close ones and not-so-close ones. Acquaintances and those who know your darkest secrets... even those who used to dislike you for not contributing enough during term assignments. All those displeasures dissipate and all's well again (at least for that few moments).
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I have two terrapins actually. Just got them yesterday, in fact it has been ages since I own any pets. For one, my mum hates the idea of having pets (especially dogs and living things with fur: read mess in the house). So, I only had a chick when I was a toddler (which I killed after repeatedly throwing it away from me as it repeatedly hopped back towards me).. I had 2 terrapins after that which lasted me for years.... (since they survived the throws) but ended up in horrible death when they grew too huge and had to be brought to my dad's office to be reared. They got killed (eaten) by rats that ran around the office... gruesome i know. Well, I thought I would give plants a try. Had cactus (named Ozzie) that was brutally murdered at my friend's place after it got knocked off (what..? 13 floors!) but well, it survived and re-grew... (phew). then I had some indoor IKEA plants but they did not last. Withered and died like those wild flowers growing in the drains under the unforgiving Singaporean summer sun.
So back to the story of my two terrapins, I've yet to named them, but supposed keeping in mind "terror" (the female who is over active and pun with "Terra") and "pin" to rhyme with "病", the male who has been sleeping (eyes wide shut) the moment since he came home with me... he must be really afraid of the new environment and traumatised by Terror. He's been sleeping in all angles and all conditions that I think he's sick. Maybe he's as excited as his owner, but, he's starting to look a little sick. Non-chalant perhaps? Some say you are non chalant because the world has turned its back onto you and you do the same. Others, just had some experiences that really shut them off.. wonder which applies to my "pin".
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Speaking of appearing aloof and non-chalant in front of others, something just occurred to me while I was preparing dinner. Was speaking to my dad about the difference between Bachelor of Arts and Bachelor of Social Sciences (Hons) and well, just as I was about to complete my 2nd sentence, my elder sister called out and spoke something from her room, my dad immediately turned his back on me and walked away answering to her call. My family has to learn how to listen.. to give undivided attention for those who speak... my dad gives but only to one individual.. my mum, likes to interrupt, and my siblings don't usually listen to the complete exchange of words...
Myself? I adapt by listening selectively and not speaking unnecessarily. Why bother to speak when no one's listening right? That's perhaps what has shaped me over the years into the current me. Getting used to the silence and the misled perceptions from others. During occasional gatherings, the non stop chattering and noise fade away and the excitement dies off.. fatigue sets in while embarking the quiet and lonesome journey home, it always happen, doesn't it? Well, of course if you have someone who's going to listen to you waiting at home. That certainly is going to change the way life is.
Alright, enough of my blabbering and it's time to take a break. Rest like Sleepy Pin.
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