Random post at the end of a busy weekend.

I had many thoughts these 2 days, of potential topics that I could bring up on this virtual space that supposedly belongs to me. Alphabets and words that hold me responsible the moment I click on 'publish'. Well of course, as you will come to see, there is none of these mentioned 'topics' that I can remember singly off my mind. It's a void at this current moment.

Out of reach.

At this current point in time, the figures are promising but it is really quite some distance to go for certain benchmarks in life to be met. For sure, I got started and am certainly pleased about it. Others, no matter how hard I try it doesn't seem to get any closer.

I spend so much time trying to reach that point in time, that I do not know if I am missing the current 'me' at all. So many times we are working towards something, someone we want to be or some kind of lifestyle that we want.. we can so consumed by this monster ideology and end up... losing the 'now-time'.

The 'me-time' for emo-ing, the 'now-time' for really picking out what is important now and not something that is probably going to happen in 10years' time. actually, I'm starting to lose quite some bit of that emotional baggage. Getting a little too consumed in life's imbroglio...

So, think about this...
If each and everyone of us is supposedly paired with someone... and that person is there for us to search for... how much do you go on searching for this missing faceless figure? there has to come a point where you give up and settle for what is really not that faceless identity and go for a convenient substitute. does it feel complete? does it even feel right?

Back to 'out of reach', in such a scenario, there are certain issues that are out of reach and that includes people. So what if they have their own agencies? Most do not exercise it. Others use so much of it... it sickens me, rendering me useless.

*sidenote, when my left arm is relaxed, this particularly small muscle right above the inner elbow twitches uncontrollably. And it's funny I can see and feel it but can't control it.

If this goes on longer... I'm really blabbering nonsense.

Get a blow up doll and hug it to sleep.