A nightmare so real..

Good Morning online Diary,

Or a-not-so-good-morning. If what they said about eating too much before you sleep will result in having a nightmare, then it'ld be a nightmare come true about me just waking up from a nightmare. (Get it?)

It's a situation that I never wanted to get myself into and yet, I know I am in. A part of my life of which I know, all the bad things happen to me at the same time. So 'scary' you may say that it got me out of bed at this time (which I never do seem to be awake at) to blog about it.

Here's how it goes:

Being late for school, of which somehow, I was required to pass a written exam before I could join in the rest of the class for something (like moving on to the next level or something). I was amongst the 4 or 5 people in class who was required to do it since we did not previously pass... and it was a Friday afternoon. A friday, 1pm afternoon.

I took a bus, wrong choice. The place I boarded the bus, the bus stop at Telok Blangah Road where there's a temple and flats, and a condo near the flyover. I knew that the bus would bring me a different direction from where I wanted to go (towards NUS, towards SAJC) but I still crossed the bridge and headed there anyway, landing myself at an old World Trade Centre bus interchange. (So apt in the sense that it perhaps parallels something in my life that I know this is the wrong direction and yet I'm plunging myself into merde.)

So, at the interchange, I boarded the bus, a so-called express bus of which the driver refused to let the students board, but rather, only the working class executives. Somehow or rather, I got on the bus, sat next to this woman who decided that snapping at me in the bus when I was already late for my exam was a very good way to start her day. (what was she/ and the rest doing going to work at such weird timing of 1pm? It's a dre..no fucking nightmare anyway. Nothing makes sense...or does it?)

Reprimanding the bus driver that the bus is so empty, and yet he was depriving the students of the space which could save them several precious minutes of which they could actually be on time for school and hence their tests,ecas,whatever shit.

And then, she turned the barrel towards me and shot. Why? Why are you on the bus when you are a student? How come you have test,you are on the bus but you are so selfish that you did not tell the driver off when he did the wrong thing? How come you want to protect yourself and be on time while letting the others be late for school? (Well, I tried to remember the bus plate number so I could later write a complaint letter to SBS, if that helps).

So, she drove me away to sit by the window rather than next to her. If it was still those old non-air conditioned buses, you would've seen me pushed the window out of the ledge in order to literally steal some air from the stifling tension in the bus.

Then, I saw something I did not want to. The bus went into a carpark of which I saw a friend's car, driving away to supposed work when in fact, it was pretty clear that's not the planned itinerary of the day. The passenger in the car was someone I have never met, but know of under pretty awkward circumstances. Someone whom I know I would never develop fond feelings for. And well, I felt betrayed for that moment, that I was lied to about the well firstly, the going to work part, but no. secondly, the sheer presence of the passenger in the car. Thirdly, I was asked to take a photo for them from where I was seated in the bus (magically, this is where the bus transformed into a non-air conditioned bus where I could physically receive the camera from the car.

I took photos of which I never wanted to see but I knew had been happening all the time. Selective myopia did not help and these were scenes that haunted me. Picture me in a bus that got me nowhere except further from my destination, reprimanded by people whom really played no part in my life, deeply affected by a really unfortunate and yet coincidental twist of events which, made my day come to a bursting end with me waking up in cold sweat and now typing this.

I wonder what would have happened if I really did not have to go to school for the written test. In that case, I wouldn't have to well, travel to school of which I would somehow did not have to take the bus (Even though I could very well drive),and end up seeing all the 'wrong' unpleasant things...

Sigh, one thing I'm glad. It's a nightmare. And yet, it seemed so real that if dreams are exactly the opposite of what our lives are supposed to be. Then I guess nightmares are an extension of our lives, isn't it?

What next online diary, a diary read by all. It's an unearthly time of 6:25am and I am sitting in front of the television with Simpsons season 6 flashing on the screen. I've no idea if I can fall back to sleep. Or if I should drop a message to the people in my nightmare that they have succeeded in waking me up when all I really needed was a peaceful rest. Or maybe I should go for a morning jog, or head to the market for a hearty breakfast.

And for now, I am at a loss of words/actions. I wish it's 3 days to my departure and not 38 days. That way, I know that my physical distance from Singapore would also put things on a hold. Not necessarily ameliorate the situation, but at least on a hold so I can think through them.

Sigh, all these are just a long nightmare.

Signing off

-Des-