why some can put on a cold front

I was wondering that there must be reasons why a person behave in the manner he is behaving... when a person behaves in such a non-chalant, "I-don't-want-to-be-too-involved" manner, it kind of puts you in a position wondering what it actually takes to break down the invisible wall. To reach in and feel what cannot be felt, that had been hidden from the external world these years to prevent any further damage to himself.

what if I think I can help to melt down the ice? So what difference will it make? Will it turn out the way I want it to be? will it even melt in the first place? Many times, I put myself in a position I can see myself to understand others. Egoist you may say that I still see others through my own eyes. well, at least I withdraw from me to understand you. but at one point in time, I realise, I am no different from you. I have this wall as well, waiting for the right one to come along and share with me my inner thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, I wonder if the right one will come. Or if like now, I'm ready to settle for this, and yet... i know it works better if both are in equal states. If what I am putting across is being understood, being felt in the manner I want it to.

I sometimes stone at think of the range of events that might have caused a person to be the way he is. The vast possibilities, and yet, I come to no conclusion... simply because everyone's just too different from one another. this is almost a repetition of the first paragraph isn't it? A question that is bothering me... does any one out there who feel me as I am? true to the heart and yet not doubt a single thing I say because at some point in time, I really DO mean what I say... people may acknowledge to this, but are these acknowledgements coming from the right people? This is the thing about human beings, we have the potential to rationalise, to reason and to think. This is our downfall... we create too many problems for ourselves in the end.

When we talk, do we listen to each other whole-heartedly? How many times do you absorb everything that the other party says/said? I do.

"I may have wandering eyes, but my heart does not falter. This may sound mushy and cheesy, but I mean every bit of it."

The above, a quote that I came up with myself... I don't how many copyrights I have infringed upon but I swear I came up with that spontaneously. Trust me, and believe me. that way, it'll be much better and the jigsaw pieces will fit better together, that way... the big picture can be revealed.

How nice if we can be like kittens... play with one another, enjoy the company and not demand more than that's given. With no expectations comes no disappointment. This is one lesson that has been taught over and over again, and I tried learning and learning, time and time again, and yet, as I thought I have already grasped the general idea, I think I am missing out on the fine details.

This will in turn cost me dearly. Tell me now, to re-learn the entire lesson, or to stick to what I already know? Follow the mind, or follow the heart simply because both, just do not work together...

I appreciate friendships, I treasure friendships, I value friendships, but sometimes, I just can't express myself in a way that shows I do. My wall has been erected and it takes someone, something to break it down... I am more than willing to let entry when the right one comes...

Desmond Ee just doesn't get it at times. Knock some sense into me, into Desmond (Ee).

A name is just a name. I wish it's more than that. I wish it's a connection... a spiritual link... by knowing your name, and your face, IF only I can know more about you. That way, I can choose to withdraw myself before my finger gets burnt. or to devote myself into making things work.

Good Night to you my friend. (yes, it is to you who is reading this, and to those who are not reading as well, and to the one I am thinking of while writing this entry)

Chatting with a friend at my workplace and she illuminated a part of the darkness for me:

"Do what you want cos' people may gossip about it when you are enjoying what you are doing, but when you are hurt not doing what you wanted, no one cares."